" Lord I know You're talking to me, but I can't hear You! Why is my soul deaf to Your voice? "
This is the dilemma that tortures those who sense Christ's call but dare not say "yes" for fear of making a mistake.
All those who have answered "yes" to the Lord's call have gone through this painful, torturous stage.
The call to priesthood or monastic commitment is not a "matter" to be taken lightly. It's a serious matter!
The road, once we've accepted His request, is long and difficult, strewn with a thousand pitfalls, not the least of which are those linked to our "ego".
After all, don't we confuse a deep call with a personal desire?
Often it is.
Perhaps it's even a response to the sacred call that is quickly supplanted by profane desire, the one aroused by pride.
It's a tragedy.
Many are happy to become priests, but this happiness is diluted by the flood of egotistical desires: the wearing of the cassock, which gives a kind of "elitist" personalization in society (which is vain and false), the wearing of priestly vestments and the practice of rites, which places one "above the crowd" (which is totally contrary to the faith and very unjust).....
We're struggling in a world of illusions that we hold to be true, to be reality.
Responding to the sacred call when you've understood its meaning, perhaps after years of trial and error, is quite the opposite.
The monk, nun, priest or deacon, while serving others, enters into himself or herself and constantly listens to the Lord and obeys His precepts.
He or she becomes a shepherd and bearer of hope, a model, a beacon, not through pomp or authority, but through kindness, a sense of service and duty, and commitment ....
Saint Seraphim of Sarov spoke to the monk Timon and said:
" Keep sowing, Father Timon, sow wheat everywhere and always. Sow it on good soil, sow it in the sand, on the rock, along the path, and among the thorns.
There's always hope that some seed will take root, grow, bear fruit, even if it takes time. Don't bury the talent you've been given, but put it to good use. "(translated by Claude Lopez-Ginisty)
Answering Christ's call requires humility, patience, reflection, discernment - above all, discernment, for without this quality, how can a priest become a just confessor?